Rona, I can’t possibly thank you enough for this post. I’m thrilled that you quoted some of the amazing things people have written in my comments section. I feel incredibly blessed to have readers who are so generous with their praise. You are among them, of course. I try hard to recognize and appreciate all comments. And I keep going back to make sure that I didn’t miss anyone. My apologies if I have.
You’re so right about human nature and negativity bias. I have spent decades beating myself up - sometimes literally, giving myself bruises on my arms and legs - because I internalized the negative things people said to me. And I have lived with self-doubt forever. But Writer, interrupted has given me a huge boost in confidence. I love my readers. They give me the courage to do my very best work.
Thank you again for your support and kindness. It means the world to me.❤️
Rona, what a gift. Thank you. It was such a wonderful experience to read the words that I had taken in and cherished and, as you pointed out, forgotten. Even as I knew you’d scanned my comments sections, I thought, Where did she uncover these treasures I’d let be buried?
I’m touched. And oh my goodness, there have been days of late that I’ve really needed a compliments file. I’ll start one with these gems.
I love, love, love this!!!! And how lovely that you've noticed compliments on other people's newsletters 😊
You call it a compliments file, I have called it kudos and I've saved ones that date back more than a decade on various things I've published. Some I use just to make myself smile and some I've even used as testimonials for my work.
Yes, they do make good testimonials. Whatever you call it, gathering praise is good protection not only from hurtful criticism but from the discomfort of being ignored.
I used to keep two cards co-workers gave me when I left my last job on the wall by my desk when I was in between careers and trying to figure out what to do. They were there to remind me that I had touched someone once, and would do so again.
I still have my farewell card from a magazine I left around 1980. The art director drew my portrait. The signatures are haunting. Several close colleagues have died.
I do waver precariously between "I'm good at this" and "this may not be my calling after all" and it takes moments of reflection to past compliments - validation, really - to get back on the horse and tighten those writing rains.
Thank you Rona for the reminder to recall the compliments.
Your post touched me as much as an unexpected bouquet from a friend - thank you Rona! And for gathering up a few of those stray buds of praise that readers have sent me over the past couple of weeks. You are absolutely right, keeping a separate file of those thoughtful comments is so important for the self-doubting days. Not just for what people have said, but for their kindness in saying it.
So true that we remember the criticism so much more easily than the compliments. My husband often tells me that I do that, that I ought to be more of a glass half full person, as he tends to be. Social media is a good place to get compliments. I often post photos of the things I make and I do like seeing the oohs and ahs!
Thank you for such a beautiful reminder. My Mother taught me when I was very young that “It takes 100 warm fuzzies to make up for one cold prickly so choose your words wisely.” It has stuck with me for more than 60 years. I enjoy the inspiration you breath into words. ✌️
Thanks, Laura. There’s a study of married couples showing that it takes five positive interactions to make up for a negative one. I suspect this applies throughout life.
I had two (!) kudos files at work. One was for paper notes and thank you cards, and one was a digital file in which to save complimentary emails. Sadly, I kept them more for “receipts’ and ammo against a psycho boss I had.
One comment I remember and took as a compliment was that a policy and process I directed was “aggressively fair.” I laughed when this was said to me because the speaker was someone I didn't like much—and the feeling was mutual. She was reviewing our process in response to a complaint, and I suspected she would enjoy finding fault. I thanked her and said I took her analysis as a high compliment.
@rona maynard Perfect and powerful! My kudos file is much more recent and began timidly ... now I believe it's fundamental to our growth. We need to learn to accept and savor the compliments that come our way. Thank you for devoting a post to this and may your words sink into a thousand hearts.
It’s so, so hard for many of us--especially women--to accept and value compliments with an open heart. I know this challenge well, and have more to say about it. By minimizing a compliment, we diminish the person who gave it. I didn’t see this forthe longest time.
So true. I spent her last years with a beloved aunt who had cared for dozens of kids during her lifetime. It broke her to let us care for her even though I think she knew how much we wanted and needed to give back to her. I look forward to more on this subect.
What a generous and important post! I file away important compliments but I forget to look at them, and even then I have a hard time believing them or feeling that they matter. You've helped remind me with such eloquence and heart.
Thank you, Rona, for this wonderful idea! It arrived yesterday just as I was being hard on myself about some things and it changed my whole attitude immediately! I am compiling my confidence file today!
I really needed this today after a terrible therapy session where I was judged for leaving my difficult marriage after 31 years and I am still great friends either way my ex it was just stale. But your words are reminding me of my students and clients I have helped and my kids that appreciate me so I will do this and thank you again! Really
Michelle, sounds like times are rough as rough can be, and my heart goes out to you. As long as you have love and appreciation, you have what matters most. I wish you well.
I do I am blessed! But reminder essays such as these with sincere follow up from author (that’s you🥰) gives me hope for humanity that there truly are people who practice what they preach not only in words which are cheap but also by their labors. By their fruits we small pass the litmus tests! Peace ✌️
I'm retired now, but when I was working, I kept an "accomplishments" file, including thank-you notes and complimentary messages from people I'd worked with, and would include selections from it when submitting my annual performance appraisal.
I still cherish the memory of discussing an assignment with one of my journalism school profs during my school days. He was a hard-drinking, old-school newspaperman with the proverbial heart of gold. He told me, with an encouraging smile, that I had "a real nice style" and to keep up the good work. When I returned from Christmas holidays, he was dead. His words kept me going many times when I wanted to quit.
Love this, Rona. I used to fantasize about framing some of the compliments I received and lighting them as if they were works of art, then putting them in some secret corner I could retreat to on a bad day.
Lovely. And, yes! Melanie Rae Thon, marvelous author, once wrote me about my essay _The Woman Who Never Cooks_--unforgettable letter and exchange that followed. My thanks to Jeffrey Streeter for sending me to you. Hope to connect more as time goes by. xx ~ Mary
Rona, I can’t possibly thank you enough for this post. I’m thrilled that you quoted some of the amazing things people have written in my comments section. I feel incredibly blessed to have readers who are so generous with their praise. You are among them, of course. I try hard to recognize and appreciate all comments. And I keep going back to make sure that I didn’t miss anyone. My apologies if I have.
You’re so right about human nature and negativity bias. I have spent decades beating myself up - sometimes literally, giving myself bruises on my arms and legs - because I internalized the negative things people said to me. And I have lived with self-doubt forever. But Writer, interrupted has given me a huge boost in confidence. I love my readers. They give me the courage to do my very best work.
Thank you again for your support and kindness. It means the world to me.❤️
My absolute, heart-swelling pleasure, Mary. May this post bring you many more grateful readers.
Rona, what a gift. Thank you. It was such a wonderful experience to read the words that I had taken in and cherished and, as you pointed out, forgotten. Even as I knew you’d scanned my comments sections, I thought, Where did she uncover these treasures I’d let be buried?
I’m touched. And oh my goodness, there have been days of late that I’ve really needed a compliments file. I’ll start one with these gems.
My pleasure. A fun post to write.
I love, love, love this!!!! And how lovely that you've noticed compliments on other people's newsletters 😊
You call it a compliments file, I have called it kudos and I've saved ones that date back more than a decade on various things I've published. Some I use just to make myself smile and some I've even used as testimonials for my work.
Great post Rona!
Yes, they do make good testimonials. Whatever you call it, gathering praise is good protection not only from hurtful criticism but from the discomfort of being ignored.
Amen to that, sister!
I used to keep two cards co-workers gave me when I left my last job on the wall by my desk when I was in between careers and trying to figure out what to do. They were there to remind me that I had touched someone once, and would do so again.
I still have my farewell card from a magazine I left around 1980. The art director drew my portrait. The signatures are haunting. Several close colleagues have died.
I do waver precariously between "I'm good at this" and "this may not be my calling after all" and it takes moments of reflection to past compliments - validation, really - to get back on the horse and tighten those writing rains.
Thank you Rona for the reminder to recall the compliments.
My pleasure. As you see, you’ve got company.
Your post touched me as much as an unexpected bouquet from a friend - thank you Rona! And for gathering up a few of those stray buds of praise that readers have sent me over the past couple of weeks. You are absolutely right, keeping a separate file of those thoughtful comments is so important for the self-doubting days. Not just for what people have said, but for their kindness in saying it.
So true that we remember the criticism so much more easily than the compliments. My husband often tells me that I do that, that I ought to be more of a glass half full person, as he tends to be. Social media is a good place to get compliments. I often post photos of the things I make and I do like seeing the oohs and ahs!
People love seeing beautiful things, especially when someone in their circle is the artist.
Thank you for such a beautiful reminder. My Mother taught me when I was very young that “It takes 100 warm fuzzies to make up for one cold prickly so choose your words wisely.” It has stuck with me for more than 60 years. I enjoy the inspiration you breath into words. ✌️
Thanks, Laura. There’s a study of married couples showing that it takes five positive interactions to make up for a negative one. I suspect this applies throughout life.
I had two (!) kudos files at work. One was for paper notes and thank you cards, and one was a digital file in which to save complimentary emails. Sadly, I kept them more for “receipts’ and ammo against a psycho boss I had.
One comment I remember and took as a compliment was that a policy and process I directed was “aggressively fair.” I laughed when this was said to me because the speaker was someone I didn't like much—and the feeling was mutual. She was reviewing our process in response to a complaint, and I suspected she would enjoy finding fault. I thanked her and said I took her analysis as a high compliment.
New spin on a compliment!
@rona maynard Perfect and powerful! My kudos file is much more recent and began timidly ... now I believe it's fundamental to our growth. We need to learn to accept and savor the compliments that come our way. Thank you for devoting a post to this and may your words sink into a thousand hearts.
It’s so, so hard for many of us--especially women--to accept and value compliments with an open heart. I know this challenge well, and have more to say about it. By minimizing a compliment, we diminish the person who gave it. I didn’t see this forthe longest time.
So true. I spent her last years with a beloved aunt who had cared for dozens of kids during her lifetime. It broke her to let us care for her even though I think she knew how much we wanted and needed to give back to her. I look forward to more on this subect.
Thanks for spurring me on.
What a generous and important post! I file away important compliments but I forget to look at them, and even then I have a hard time believing them or feeling that they matter. You've helped remind me with such eloquence and heart.
Glad I could send some hope your way.
Thank you, Rona, for this wonderful idea! It arrived yesterday just as I was being hard on myself about some things and it changed my whole attitude immediately! I am compiling my confidence file today!
Good for you. It's easy to let this good habit slip, I've found. I too need to do some work on my confidence file asap.
I really needed this today after a terrible therapy session where I was judged for leaving my difficult marriage after 31 years and I am still great friends either way my ex it was just stale. But your words are reminding me of my students and clients I have helped and my kids that appreciate me so I will do this and thank you again! Really
Michelle, sounds like times are rough as rough can be, and my heart goes out to you. As long as you have love and appreciation, you have what matters most. I wish you well.
I do I am blessed! But reminder essays such as these with sincere follow up from author (that’s you🥰) gives me hope for humanity that there truly are people who practice what they preach not only in words which are cheap but also by their labors. By their fruits we small pass the litmus tests! Peace ✌️
I'm retired now, but when I was working, I kept an "accomplishments" file, including thank-you notes and complimentary messages from people I'd worked with, and would include selections from it when submitting my annual performance appraisal.
I still cherish the memory of discussing an assignment with one of my journalism school profs during my school days. He was a hard-drinking, old-school newspaperman with the proverbial heart of gold. He told me, with an encouraging smile, that I had "a real nice style" and to keep up the good work. When I returned from Christmas holidays, he was dead. His words kept me going many times when I wanted to quit.
Oh, Lori. A shiver went through me.
Love this, Rona. I used to fantasize about framing some of the compliments I received and lighting them as if they were works of art, then putting them in some secret corner I could retreat to on a bad day.
Knowing your wonderful writing as I do, I can well imagine.
Lovely. And, yes! Melanie Rae Thon, marvelous author, once wrote me about my essay _The Woman Who Never Cooks_--unforgettable letter and exchange that followed. My thanks to Jeffrey Streeter for sending me to you. Hope to connect more as time goes by. xx ~ Mary