I love your comment that your interviewees were "circling around the heart of the story, while they gathered courage to step into its darkest corners". You come from the world of magazines, I come from the world of social research - both use interviews to get their material. I spent most of my life working with interview (and sometimes focus group) material and absolutely loved it, because you got so close to understanding a lot about the human heart – in my case, people dying from AIDS, working in hospice care, parenting a child with disabilities, living with cancer and more and more and more.
I realised early on that I was a lousy interviewer (for complex reasons) but worked with two of the best qualitative interviewers in the UK (they were the leading interviewers of what was probably the best social research agency). I asked one how she did it and she talked about how she "tucked away" an early response that was a hint of something deeper until it was the right moment to "go for the kill". Sounds like your quote from the other side. The funny thing was that neither woman had any interest in writing up the interviews and I was known as having the knack of taking their material and using it sensitively. Worked wonderfully until they got too old to carry on (both well into their 70s). Thanks for taking me down memory lane.
Ann, what your colleague described is exactly what I did, always on the hunt for the detail that would jimmy the lock. There was something faintly aggressive about it, along woth a reverence for something I couldn’t and still can’t name. Thank you for sharing this nugget from the world of social research.
I lacked the "killer" instinct in person – always backed away – but had it just fine from a distance. For instance, I was keen that we interviewed Daisy's mother, knowing that she had lost a child to AIDS (https://arichardson.substack.com/p/daisy) although I didn't know how VERY interesting that would be. I am posting an interview that was extremely delicate to carry out next time. I loved getting the deep stuff, but didn't have it in me to go for it myself.
Thanks, Beth. I think every life is interesting and full of stories that are usually lost because people don’t recognize them for the wonders they are.
I'm going to restack this with a note about my experience with a random caller. You handled yours WAY better.
As for who I think it was—my guess is random creepy caller, but that's probably because I'm projecting my experience onto yours. I am intrigued (and rather horrified) at the thought that it could have been a neighbor. Eyuch!!!
When I was in my twenties, I got a call at 1am one night. The male voice said, “Are you awake?” I said, “I am now.”
He said a couple other generic things and I responded.
Then I said, “You have the wrong number you know.”
“Isn’t this Linda?” “No,” I said.
We spoke for about ten minutes—he had a lovely voice. It wasn’t a perv call, but a wrong number. He said he was one of a trio of brothers that owned a local bar—I drove by that bar all the time, but had never been in. He invited me to come down, but it was 1am, and didn’t seem like a good idea for a variety of reasons.
He might have been drunk, but wasn’t slurring or being repetitive. It was kind of a charming interlude, like having an unexpected conversation in a Starbucks.
It's so interesting that you chose to extend the call because you were/are perennially curious, Rona. Fascinating what you thought at the time and what you think now about who the caller might have been. I was caught up in this mystery, thanks for sharing it.
Thanks for sharing the fun, Ildiko. You never know when Hungarian might come in handy right here in Toronto. I also liked another commenter's response to heavy breathing: "Do you need an oxygen mask?"
I received a similar call years ago when I was just our of my morning shower, wearing only a towel. I was much younger and lived alone, so the call seemed more sinister to me, although it was likely random. This was long before caller id. I admire your curiosity in the moment, and your reflections on the Grammar Dominatrix within made me laugh out loud!
When I was about 16 I answered the phone to one of those heavy breathing calls. I waited a moment and said, “Do you need an oxygen mask?” The breathing stopped abruptly. Guess I emasculated him.
I love that you were not in the least bothered by this guy, and were curious enough to keep him talking! This takes me back to that time when we always picked up the phone, because there was no voicemail, no answering machine, no record of who was calling, and it might be the boy you had a crush on, or your best friend. But once in a while it was someone like your guy.
You know, Sarah, until I read these comments I had completely forgotten the obscene callers of those days. I must have had a few. This one was not like the others.
I didn't realize how much good listening is part of interviewing, listening with curiosity. This is a wonderful story, turning an odd situation in to a mini course in acceptance and humanity.
Ah the days in which phones were not surveillance devices and anonymity as a caller remained possible! You've exposed an upside to the new phone technologies I hadn't appreciated. The days of obscene phone calls are gone. No more picking up the phone to hear heavy panting or dirty talk. I did have to laugh at your curiosity and attempt to interview the perv.
Wonderful as always, Rona. I had a persistent caller long ago, before caller ID and being able to block numbers. I finally told him that my neighbor was the attorney general of the state of CT - only a slight exaggeration, because we lived in the same town and I knew her. SLAM went the phone. Didn’t hear from him again. (And yes, the dark corners of a story. Perfect phrase.)
Rona, your article is hilarious. Good for you for having the gumption and curiosity to interview this silly man. I was having trouble playing Scrabble with my friend because I had switched the game from desktop to iPhone. So, I posted an email of indignation to the company who puts the game online. Lo and behold, I got responses from 3 men on the pretext that they agreed with me but also asked me to be “their friend” so they could get to know me better on line. (LOL)!
Rona, I just want to say this is brilliant writing. (But of course--you were a magazine editor.) "Dangle a modifier, naughty boy, and I’ll put you over my knee." LOVE it!
I love your comment that your interviewees were "circling around the heart of the story, while they gathered courage to step into its darkest corners". You come from the world of magazines, I come from the world of social research - both use interviews to get their material. I spent most of my life working with interview (and sometimes focus group) material and absolutely loved it, because you got so close to understanding a lot about the human heart – in my case, people dying from AIDS, working in hospice care, parenting a child with disabilities, living with cancer and more and more and more.
I realised early on that I was a lousy interviewer (for complex reasons) but worked with two of the best qualitative interviewers in the UK (they were the leading interviewers of what was probably the best social research agency). I asked one how she did it and she talked about how she "tucked away" an early response that was a hint of something deeper until it was the right moment to "go for the kill". Sounds like your quote from the other side. The funny thing was that neither woman had any interest in writing up the interviews and I was known as having the knack of taking their material and using it sensitively. Worked wonderfully until they got too old to carry on (both well into their 70s). Thanks for taking me down memory lane.
Ann, what your colleague described is exactly what I did, always on the hunt for the detail that would jimmy the lock. There was something faintly aggressive about it, along woth a reverence for something I couldn’t and still can’t name. Thank you for sharing this nugget from the world of social research.
I lacked the "killer" instinct in person – always backed away – but had it just fine from a distance. For instance, I was keen that we interviewed Daisy's mother, knowing that she had lost a child to AIDS (https://arichardson.substack.com/p/daisy) although I didn't know how VERY interesting that would be. I am posting an interview that was extremely delicate to carry out next time. I loved getting the deep stuff, but didn't have it in me to go for it myself.
Fascinating - both of you.
You have lived a most interesting life, but that is just the start: You write of it all with power.
Thanks, Beth. I think every life is interesting and full of stories that are usually lost because people don’t recognize them for the wonders they are.
Yes. Wholeheartedly agree!
I'm going to restack this with a note about my experience with a random caller. You handled yours WAY better.
As for who I think it was—my guess is random creepy caller, but that's probably because I'm projecting my experience onto yours. I am intrigued (and rather horrified) at the thought that it could have been a neighbor. Eyuch!!!
When I was in my twenties, I got a call at 1am one night. The male voice said, “Are you awake?” I said, “I am now.”
He said a couple other generic things and I responded.
Then I said, “You have the wrong number you know.”
“Isn’t this Linda?” “No,” I said.
We spoke for about ten minutes—he had a lovely voice. It wasn’t a perv call, but a wrong number. He said he was one of a trio of brothers that owned a local bar—I drove by that bar all the time, but had never been in. He invited me to come down, but it was 1am, and didn’t seem like a good idea for a variety of reasons.
He might have been drunk, but wasn’t slurring or being repetitive. It was kind of a charming interlude, like having an unexpected conversation in a Starbucks.
Lovely story, Teri. You were right to stay home in bed. Meeting this guy would almost certainly have killed the glow.
It's so interesting that you chose to extend the call because you were/are perennially curious, Rona. Fascinating what you thought at the time and what you think now about who the caller might have been. I was caught up in this mystery, thanks for sharing it.
This one has been a very long time in coming, Wendy. It has always enthralled me, and I wasn’t sure why. Writing is partly an exercise of curiosity.
Rona, of course you are amazing trying to get to the heart of a story but…some of us didn't have similar experiences with such photo calls.
However, they scared the hell out of me , all the same I di have a funny story.
Years ago two friends, who lived together, kept getting repeated calls from a pretty obscene guy, they hung up but he kept phoning.
Now to the funny part, the next time he called they told him not to call between 7-9 as that was their quiet time! The guy never called back.
I learned from this, and the next time I just chatted for a couple minutes in Hungarian. That guy didn't call back either.
You were brave and resourceful .
Here is to brave and resourceful!
Thanks for sharing the fun, Ildiko. You never know when Hungarian might come in handy right here in Toronto. I also liked another commenter's response to heavy breathing: "Do you need an oxygen mask?"
Loved this story, Rona. Not only for getting to hear about this wild experience but also for a peek into the mind of a journalist.
Thanks, Jesse.
I received a similar call years ago when I was just our of my morning shower, wearing only a towel. I was much younger and lived alone, so the call seemed more sinister to me, although it was likely random. This was long before caller id. I admire your curiosity in the moment, and your reflections on the Grammar Dominatrix within made me laugh out loud!
I did hope someone would laugh, Margaret. I'm so glad you enjoyed this.
Grammar Dominatrix! I love it!
When I was about 16 I answered the phone to one of those heavy breathing calls. I waited a moment and said, “Do you need an oxygen mask?” The breathing stopped abruptly. Guess I emasculated him.
Pamela, how delicious. Thank you!
In this digital day, would you answer the phone now or check for scammer and let it go to voicemail?!
Cindy, I doubt this is even happening in the age of mobile things. But yes, I let a LOT of calls go to voicemail.
I love that you were not in the least bothered by this guy, and were curious enough to keep him talking! This takes me back to that time when we always picked up the phone, because there was no voicemail, no answering machine, no record of who was calling, and it might be the boy you had a crush on, or your best friend. But once in a while it was someone like your guy.
You know, Sarah, until I read these comments I had completely forgotten the obscene callers of those days. I must have had a few. This one was not like the others.
Yes, the one I remember most was actually not like your guy at all. I was around 13 or 14, and he was pretending to be doing a survey.
Oh, that old line.
I didn't realize how much good listening is part of interviewing, listening with curiosity. This is a wonderful story, turning an odd situation in to a mini course in acceptance and humanity.
You'd be good at it, Leslie. The flip side of curiosity is patience, waiting for the answer instead of trying to hurry it along.
I look forward to the sequel where you confront “the neighbor” who has aroused your suspicion.🤣
Ha! Haven't seen him in at least 30 years. He's still out there, practicing his profession in his 80s.
Ah the days in which phones were not surveillance devices and anonymity as a caller remained possible! You've exposed an upside to the new phone technologies I hadn't appreciated. The days of obscene phone calls are gone. No more picking up the phone to hear heavy panting or dirty talk. I did have to laugh at your curiosity and attempt to interview the perv.
He was no ordinary perv, that’s for sure. Glad I could make you laugh.
Wonderful as always, Rona. I had a persistent caller long ago, before caller ID and being able to block numbers. I finally told him that my neighbor was the attorney general of the state of CT - only a slight exaggeration, because we lived in the same town and I knew her. SLAM went the phone. Didn’t hear from him again. (And yes, the dark corners of a story. Perfect phrase.)
The dark corners are where the richness lies. As for that persistent caller, smart move.
Rona, your article is hilarious. Good for you for having the gumption and curiosity to interview this silly man. I was having trouble playing Scrabble with my friend because I had switched the game from desktop to iPhone. So, I posted an email of indignation to the company who puts the game online. Lo and behold, I got responses from 3 men on the pretext that they agreed with me but also asked me to be “their friend” so they could get to know me better on line. (LOL)!
Honestly!!!
These online come-ons are nothing like a velvet voice in your ear. Glad you enjoyed this, Jane.
Rona, I just want to say this is brilliant writing. (But of course--you were a magazine editor.) "Dangle a modifier, naughty boy, and I’ll put you over my knee." LOVE it!
My favorite line. I’m so glad you enjoyed it.Thanks, Karen!