Love this, Rona. "Love stretches the lover." Paul must be something special. What I know about you, so early in our friendship, is that you are extremely discerning. So he must be a winner.
Did you also want the biggest half grapefruit? Pie I can understand, grapefruit, eh.
You’re so funny! As is Paul. He can also be infuriating, but isn’t that always the way?Love does not mean loving every aspect of your partner. It means seeing the whole human, including the traits that will always drive you nuts, and loving the person anyway.
Precisely. And I would imagine Paul could say that you might be infuriating once in a while as well? Because we're human! Love to you, Rona. It takes a special kind of person to be successful in a long term relationship. Good for both of you! xo
“Love stretches a lover” - ah, that it does. I knew I was in love the first time I brought Jim to my house and he was greeted by my piddling puppy. He said, “Where do you keep the rags, I’ll clean it up”. Wow! Not a simple “your dog peed”. And he was as good as his word.
Hmmm, thought I. This one has possibilities. And I had just gotten out of a bad relationship five months before, I was NOT looking. But what can you do? Sometimes love arrives when it is not convenient. I had 23 beautiful years with that lovely man. How lucky I was!! ❤️
Suzanne, Jim's response to the piddling puppy says it all. Isn't it interesting how the best possibilities appear when you're not even looking? I wish you could have had more than 23 years. But 23 years with someone you love can be all the time in the world.
Ben was not my knight in shining armour. That ship sailed with my first husband, who got the seven-year itch and found comfort in the arms of another woman. But Ben and I have now been together for more than 35 years. It's not the stuff of fairy tales, but it's real. (P.S.: I love Paul's confidence, persistence, and his line, "I thought you had possibilities."
He might be the most popular character in my memoir Starter Dog, which isn’t really about a dog. Let’s here it for real, time -tested love. I wish you and Ben many more years together.
Wow! You had me tearing up from early on. How did I miss this one last year? So, so beautifully (and truthfully) written. ❤️ My husband and I are at 39 years—first marriage for both of us. I believe he is the one who has held on to the most hope. Or, he is the most stubborn? Or perhaps we have both stretched without realizing it…I recall crying before we were anywhere near engaged—tears upon realizing that he wasn’t perfect BUT he was so wonderful in so many ways, “way better” than any other of the many guys I had been out with. I cried again just before our 5th wedding anniversary, realizing that the honeymoon phase was over—but consoling myself that, until then, it had felt like a honeymoon! Yes, there have been lots of other tears and challenging phases. Reading essays like yours reminds me of why we’re still here. ❤️❤️
What a wonderful introduction to your husband and your marriage, Rona. I was especially touched by, "Like plants turning toward sunlight, we have turned toward possibility." I love that!
He saw all of your glorious potential and wanted to continually cultivate it. I always think it sweet, any gift which can expand our horizons. However, there is a “time and place.” :)
Looking back, I am touched. The gift unsettled me, in part because I wasn’t expecting any gift at all. I don’t know what would have pleased me. He didn’t yet understand my taste.
Guys genuinely try their best most times, especially if they love us. What can you expect from a man who would just as soon accept, with no reservations, a gift handed to them in a brown paper bag and be just as happy with it? (My ex bf was easy, lol).
I just love this story. How the narrator shows us the younger woman, the uniqueness of our affections and meanings, the relationship between sister and of course the love story! Beautiful!
Having just now finished your memoir My Mother's Daughter, having met Paul there, through you, within the larger frame of your life, I love this essay even more for how it turns on itself to find a definition to your father's age-old question. Congratulations on the long marriage, on the book (its fierce precision would be so deeply admired by your mother), and on Amazement Seeker itself, which does, Rona, grow and grow.
“Fierce precision.” I like that and aspire to it every time I write. I could have called that memoir My Father’s Daughter. It’s lately become clear that my father’s question still needles and guides me. Thank you for this affirming comment.
Love this, Rona. "Love stretches the lover." Paul must be something special. What I know about you, so early in our friendship, is that you are extremely discerning. So he must be a winner.
Did you also want the biggest half grapefruit? Pie I can understand, grapefruit, eh.
You’re so funny! As is Paul. He can also be infuriating, but isn’t that always the way?Love does not mean loving every aspect of your partner. It means seeing the whole human, including the traits that will always drive you nuts, and loving the person anyway.
Precisely. And I would imagine Paul could say that you might be infuriating once in a while as well? Because we're human! Love to you, Rona. It takes a special kind of person to be successful in a long term relationship. Good for both of you! xo
Me, infuriating?!
Hmmmm.
“Love stretches a lover” - ah, that it does. I knew I was in love the first time I brought Jim to my house and he was greeted by my piddling puppy. He said, “Where do you keep the rags, I’ll clean it up”. Wow! Not a simple “your dog peed”. And he was as good as his word.
Hmmm, thought I. This one has possibilities. And I had just gotten out of a bad relationship five months before, I was NOT looking. But what can you do? Sometimes love arrives when it is not convenient. I had 23 beautiful years with that lovely man. How lucky I was!! ❤️
Suzanne, Jim's response to the piddling puppy says it all. Isn't it interesting how the best possibilities appear when you're not even looking? I wish you could have had more than 23 years. But 23 years with someone you love can be all the time in the world.
Ben was not my knight in shining armour. That ship sailed with my first husband, who got the seven-year itch and found comfort in the arms of another woman. But Ben and I have now been together for more than 35 years. It's not the stuff of fairy tales, but it's real. (P.S.: I love Paul's confidence, persistence, and his line, "I thought you had possibilities."
He might be the most popular character in my memoir Starter Dog, which isn’t really about a dog. Let’s here it for real, time -tested love. I wish you and Ben many more years together.
Wow! You had me tearing up from early on. How did I miss this one last year? So, so beautifully (and truthfully) written. ❤️ My husband and I are at 39 years—first marriage for both of us. I believe he is the one who has held on to the most hope. Or, he is the most stubborn? Or perhaps we have both stretched without realizing it…I recall crying before we were anywhere near engaged—tears upon realizing that he wasn’t perfect BUT he was so wonderful in so many ways, “way better” than any other of the many guys I had been out with. I cried again just before our 5th wedding anniversary, realizing that the honeymoon phase was over—but consoling myself that, until then, it had felt like a honeymoon! Yes, there have been lots of other tears and challenging phases. Reading essays like yours reminds me of why we’re still here. ❤️❤️
No such thing as escaping the challenging phases. Anyone who says “never a cross word” is either deaf or lying. I’m happy for you, Etta.
"Love stretches the lover." You said a mouthful.
Being stetched is extremely uncomfortable. It can hurt like hell.
What a lovely story. I'm so glad for you that Paul was so insistent and determined.
You and me both, Nancy. Glad you enjoyed this.
I loved this. “The shit you shovel may be your own” might be my new favorite thing to say.
It belongs on a mug.
Or a tombstone!
Oh, even better.
Really enjoyed this Rona. P.G. Wodehouse means to me a great sense of humor, which I find essential to a long and happy marriage!
P.G. Wodehouse also had a fine sense of language, part of the attraction for Paul. Glad you enjoyed this, David.
Today is our 52nd anniversary. Still best friends, we still drive each other nuts, but we’re together for the long haul. Good vibes!
Oh, happy day! What’s love without craziness?
What a wonderful introduction to your husband and your marriage, Rona. I was especially touched by, "Like plants turning toward sunlight, we have turned toward possibility." I love that!
You’ll meet him again soon, Cathy. And I think you’ll like this if you haven’t already read it. https://ronamaynard.substack.com/p/still-married-after-54-years?utm_source=publication-search
Thank you for including the link - I loved it! The "pull of Us-ness" - what a wonderful image, Rona!
On your wedding day, no less!
He saw all of your glorious potential and wanted to continually cultivate it. I always think it sweet, any gift which can expand our horizons. However, there is a “time and place.” :)
Looking back, I am touched. The gift unsettled me, in part because I wasn’t expecting any gift at all. I don’t know what would have pleased me. He didn’t yet understand my taste.
Guys genuinely try their best most times, especially if they love us. What can you expect from a man who would just as soon accept, with no reservations, a gift handed to them in a brown paper bag and be just as happy with it? (My ex bf was easy, lol).
I really liked reading about you and Paul
I’m so glad.
I just love this story. How the narrator shows us the younger woman, the uniqueness of our affections and meanings, the relationship between sister and of course the love story! Beautiful!
Holly, I’m glad you noticed the sister dimension. Thank you.
Having just now finished your memoir My Mother's Daughter, having met Paul there, through you, within the larger frame of your life, I love this essay even more for how it turns on itself to find a definition to your father's age-old question. Congratulations on the long marriage, on the book (its fierce precision would be so deeply admired by your mother), and on Amazement Seeker itself, which does, Rona, grow and grow.
“Fierce precision.” I like that and aspire to it every time I write. I could have called that memoir My Father’s Daughter. It’s lately become clear that my father’s question still needles and guides me. Thank you for this affirming comment.
“What is beauty,” she asked. “It is whatever gives you joy that does not impinge on another, “ I replied.
Now, that’s a great answer.
What is beauty? Rona Maynard’s weekly essays.
Aww, thanks, Evelyn!